2018-08-21

Don't Be a Dingaling!

   As if stupid spammy recruiters weren't ALREADY enough of a pain, here's the latest.  It's not the usual sort of of spam (email), it's even more excruciatingly stupid because they're wasting their own time as well!

   My phone starts ringing, earlier today.  It's an unrecognized number.  So, I follow my Standard Operating Procedure: mute the ringing, and don't answer.  (Though my Bluetooth headset keeps buzzing, dagnabit.)  It stops... and then starts AGAIN.  Three more times.  Within SECONDS of stopping.

   I pick up the fourth time.  Maybe it's an emergency.  Maybe something happened to my brother, who's near that area code.  In any event, I'm getting sick of it.

   No, it's a recruiter with a thick Indian accent, calling about a Ruby on Rails job.  That's just about all I can make out, of what he's saying.

   This is exactly why my SOP is as above, due to spammy recruiters, politicians (who of course exempted themselves from the laws against robocalls), telemarketers, and other such scummy scammers.

   HINTS FOR PEOPLE CALLING (to me or anyone):
  1. If I don't answer, JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE.  Maybe call back ONCE if you think you misdialed (and ignored the outgoing message that says whose phone it is).  There's probably a good reason I didn't answer.  Maybe I'm busy.  Maybe I'm out of the house.  Maybe I'm in the shower.  Maybe I'm on the toilet, and let my phone somewhere by accident.  In absolutely none of those situations, will continuing to call help you reach me.  Maybe you can think of a situation where it would, other than making it seem like an emergency, but I can't right now.

  2. If for whatever reason you can't just leave a message, CALL BACK LATER!  Better yet, just send an email, so I can glance at the Subject line (assuming you are decent at writing those) and decide whether or not to investigate further.  If you continue to call RIGHT THEN, it makes it seem like an emergency -- and if it isn't, that makes YOU seem like an ASSHOLE!

  3. Make sure your ENGLISH (or whatever language you are speaking) IS CLEAR.  It doesn't have to be perfect, even mine isn't, hell it doesn't even have to be Trump-level sentence structure.  But if I can't understand what you're even saying, I WILL NOT BUY WHATEVER YOU'RE SELLING, whether it's aluminum siding or a job.
   Poor English doesn't mean you're worth any less as a human being or whatever.  However, contacting people by phone in a language you don't speak clearly, is clearly not the right approach, especially if you first annoy them with repeated calls.  Try sending email instead; at least I can ignore it at my leisure, and take the time to parse small mispelllynges.  (Or maybe you're worried about your email being stopped by spam filters? If so, there's probably good reason for that.  Think about it.)

2017-12-20

It ain't relevant, man!

   Some of you may have run a forum or three in the past, be it on a web site, a Usenet newsgroup, a mailing list, a Fidonet Echo back in the day, or, as this story concerns, a LinkedIn group.  (Groups are the main reason I use LinkedIn, though LinkedIn has seemed hell-bent on screwing them up for the past several years, and killing the whole concept off for the past few.  But don't get me started -- I'm a self-starter.)

   Many years ago, I created the Plain Old C Programming group, which I still run.  All new members are put on moderation, until they submit something clearly on-topic, at which point they are given posting privileges.  (This is the only way I have ever found to keep a group decently clean of spam.) 

   A few days ago, a submission appeared in the "Moderation Queue", from a newish user (I had approved her about a month ago).  It was about Laravel (a PHP framework, for those who don't know), so it was obviously off topic; the rules even state clearly that the groups is about "plain old" C, that "C++, C#, Objective-C, etc. are off-topic", and, to paraphrase Brother Maynard's brother, "Java is Right Out."  Worse yet, it was also a "promotion", specifically an ad for her company's Laravel training class.  LinkedIn no longer has a tab for promotions, but I'm certainly not going to clutter the Discussions tab with ads!

   So of course I instantly rejected it.  Sometimes I send a note reminding the submitter of the topic, especially if it's a crass ad... but for whatever reason, I didn't this time... but it probably wouldn't have done any good.  For you see, this submitter was not only a recruitroid, but a particularly clue-resistant recruitroid.

   And now, ladles and germs, for your amusement, our ensuing exchange is reproduced below, absolutely verbatim, wacky punctuation and all:

HER:Approve my post of Laravel,,,
ME:Tell me how it's on topic....
HER:but its relevant to web
ME: And that makes it relevant to *** PLAIN OLD C *** because . . . ?
HER:cant understand
ME: I'm not surprised, because there IS no such reason.
C existed *long* before the Web was even a twinkle in Sir Tim's eye. C is an extremely rare (because spectacularly poor) choice of languages to write a *web* application. The closest link I can come up with between C and the Web is that C is a good choice of language to write most kinds of servers -- email, database, web, whatever.
What you're trying to do (and then trying to *insist* on) is like posting something about Labrador Retrievers in a forum about cats because most cat owners probably like chocolate and there's a dog breed called a Chocolate Lab.
When you want to post to a forum with a topic you know very little about, I strongly recommend you first consult someone who knows both topics -- that of the forum, and that of your post. If they don't see a clear connection between them, your post is likely Off Topic, and likely to get you booted out.
It's exactly this sort of combination of willful ignorance and arrogance (as displayed in your insistence that I approve your post), that makes most techies absolutely hate HR/recruiters with a burning passion.
HER: actually i ma not a developer so that these all is out of meeeee,,,,,,

   At this point I give up trying to get through her thick skull.  Even a completely non-technical analogy has failed.  Or maybe she's simply just as ignorant of the distinction between dogs and cats as between PHP and C.

   Of course being "relevant to web" makes it relevant to absolutely everything, right?  Because there were no computers at all, until the Wonderful Wacky Web sprang forth from Sir Tim's brow, fully formed and on horseback, right?  An ad for Laravel training would be on topic in a forum on, say, arachnophobia treatment, because it's got to with spiders, which are "relevant to web", right?

Sheesh.  (To put it politely.)

2017-06-05

Infinite Skills

   This seems not very far off the mark from how closely the vast majority of the "recruiters" I've dealt with read (or at least understand) a resume: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/resume

2016-10-19

We are spammers! Bum padumbum, bumbumbum!

   Wow, it's been so long since I've posted here that I nearly forgot I had this blog.  Sorry!  At least I have been working on the book... a little bit... once in a while....

   Meanwhile, today's spammer is Farmers Insurance, or at least their recruiting division:
To: David Aronson <the address I use at CareerBuilder>
Subject: Response to Resume
Date: Sun, 09 Oct 2016 02:42:09 +0530
From: Jennifer Taylor <jennifer@franchise-growth.com>

Hi David,

I reviewed your online resume and I see that you have experience which transitions well into our opportunity. I am a Corporate Agency Recruiter for Farmers Insurance and our company is expanding into new territory on the East Coast.

We are looking for driven individuals who yearn to be successful in an entrepreneurial environment. I am interested in someone with leadership experience who is comfortable managing, coaching, and training a small team of their own employees. No prior insurance experience is required. There is great stability, independence, and income potential.

For more information, please visit us at www.insurance-recruit.com.

Thanks!

Jennifer Taylor
Northeast Agency Recruiting Department

P.S. I understand if the timing is not right. Please reply with "REMOVE" in the subject and I will remove your information promptly.

100 Crescent Court Suite 700, Dallas, TX 75201
http://www.franchise-growth.com/grow/unsubscribe.php?query string removed
   Surely since I put a resume on CareerBuilder saying I want software development contracts for my own successful business, I must obviously be itching (and qualified) to become a franchised insurance salesman.  Riiiiight.

   Their commercials are amusing and all that... but that's one more company whose services I won't be using, and I certainly won't be working for.  Y'all can make up your own minds, I'm just speaking my own.

2014-11-03

It's not just Americans....

   I recently found a new web comic (well, new to me anyway), made I know not where but apparently they speak French, and began catching up on the archives.  The episode at http://www.commitstrip.com/en/2012/12/10/le-mouton-a-cinq-pattes/ is particularly relevant to this blog.  Go check it out.  It's mainly for geeks, but non-geeks will understand what's going on, and why it's relevant -- and then the geeks can subscribe to it.  :-)  Enjoy!

2014-07-16

Meta-Tag, You're It!

   In a rather "meta" twist, I am now getting spammed by so-called recruiters who want me to be... a recruiter.  Maybe I'll go do that and have a successful career spamming more high-tech consultants to lure them into becoming spammy recruiters, and they'll spam two friends, and they'll spam two friends, and so on, and so on, until the entire world is spammy recruiters!  Sure, I'll hop right on that, soon as I retire from selling cars.
From: Drew Mahoney via Monster <letters@route.monster.com>
Reply-to: Drew@outsource.net
To: [me]
Date: Tue, Jun 24, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Subject: Recruiting & Sales Opportunity MRID#5tevqtk3us2c3azb

I noticed your resume on Monster.com and have a great Recruiting and Sales opportunity in our Virginia office. Outsource is on the hunt for college educated, energetic leaders who are self-motivated and looking for a long term career in sales or recruitment.

Outsource is one of the fastest-growing staffing companies in the country. We place engineers, project managers, and technicians across the nation from our sixteen locations.

In your career at Outsource, you start by sourcing and recruiting candidates for our clients to gain a fundamental understanding of our business and what we do. From there, you will have the opportunity to move into senior recruiting, account management, inside or outside sales, regional sales, regional recruitment management and eventually into regional management or operations management.

Shortly after your hire date, you will be flown out to our Los Angeles Headquarters for a week and a half of training.

Compensation and Benefits:
  • Competitive base salary plus commission (you can more than double your base with commission)
  • Year-end possible bonus including an all-expenses-paid reward trip. The last two trips have been hosted in Cancun.
  • Medical/dental/vision benefits
  • Matching 401k plan
  • Seven paid holidays
  • Vacation/Sick time

If you are a hard worker, play well with others, are passionate about advancing your career and are fun, we want to meet you!

With that said, a career at Outsource is not for everyone. Our most successful team members are able to creatively problem solve, have strong management and leadership skills and are sincerely passionate about personal and professional growth. Why shouldn't you make money AND love doing it?

Please check out our website at www.outsource.net.

If you are interested, please email me a copy of your most recent resume to drew@outsource.net and give me a call at 303-800-8527.

Thank you,
Drew Mahoney
Talent Acquisition Specialist


Letter Value: 9183A9-1D51E
   Thank you ever so much, Drew Mahoney <drew@outsource.net>, for helping narrow down my choice of what headhunters to listen to when they tout a position, or maybe to hire when I need to farm out some work or possibly even bring some employees on board.  It certainly will not be Outsource.  Given their recruiting tactics, I can only imagine what quality of recruiter I'd be dealing with... since they may have gotten there by being stupid enough to fall for spam.

   And OBTW, Drew... I already "make money AND love doing it"!  Almost as much as I love exposing vegetables posing as recruiters, for what they really are.

2014-07-15

Beep Beep, Beep Beep, NO!

   Insurance companies aren't the only industry with recruiters spamming me a lot over the years.  Even aside from my actual industry, I occasionally get come-ons from car dealerships.  Of course I'd just love to give up my six-figure income doing work I enjoy, from home, to be a car salesman (right after I'm done with my other careers selling insurance, taking tickets on trains, etc.).

   At least, that's what today's special spotlight subject seems to think.  So, in true spammer style, she throws her crap against any handy wall to see if it will stick:
From: Jessica Collins via Monster <letters@route.monster.com>
Reply-to: Jessicacollins@themanusgroup.com
To: [me]
Date: Tue, Jun 17, 2014 at 2:17 PM
Subject: Job Opportunity at Koons Tyson Toyota Scion MRID#5tevqtk3us2c3azb

I saw your resume on Monster.com and would like for you to consider a sales position with Koons Tyson Toyota Scion as a career option. You may not be aware, but people with various backgrounds and career experiences can adapt their skill sets to enjoy a successful career in Automotive Sales.

Our philosophy is to train, coach, mentor and support each person to maximize their potential and skills. Winning teams don't just happen, they are created by skilled leaders who know how to motivate, inspire and guide others to phenomenal success. As a result, our employees are the largest part of our success.

We are looking for individuals with various skill sets that are willing to make a career change and would consider this opportunity. Don’t worry if you do not have Automotive Sales experience, because we will train you! The Manus Group, a professional recruiting and sales training firm, will be assisting our dealership with selecting the right candidates and providing the fundamental training necessary to begin a new career with a solid and confident foundation. Fundamental Sales Training and all materials are provided to you free of charge. To learn more about The Manus Group, your trainer and the success of previous graduates of The Manus Group, please visit The Manus Group Automotive Training and FAQ.

Interviews will be held on Monday, June 23rd but no later than Tuesday, June 24th between the times of 10:00am and 6:00pm. During the interview, additional information will be provided including details on the $7,500 salary while training. Please respond to this email if you would like to attend.

Thank you for your time,


Jessica Collins
The Manus Group
National Recruiter


ALL interviews will be held at: (for directions go to mapquest.com)

Koons Tyson Toyota Scion

8610 Leesburg Pike
Vienna VA 22182


The Manus Group has been retained as a consultant to and a provider of services for Koons Tyson Toyota Scion. Content of this letter and fulfillment of any offers of employment are the sole responsibility of Koons Tyson Toyota Scion.


Letter Value: 90FCAB-65239
   Too bad I'm too honest to sell used, er excuse me I mean "pre-owned", cars.  If I could stoop that low, then maybe I could also stoop even lower, and spam.

   Thank you ever so much, Jessica Collins, for helping narrow down my choice of where to buy my next car.  It certainly will not be from Koons Tyson Toyota Scion, at least if they're still using the services of spammers such as yourself.